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====== Worth No Penny Press ======

**Worth No Penny Press** (abbreviated as WNP Press or WNPP) is a publishing house, known for its tabloid Cheap Newspaper and a bunch of poorly written textbooks.

===== Textbooks =====

A number of popular, but low quality textbooks have been published by the WNPP.

{{:wiki:wnpp_textbook1.png?nolink&250|}}
{{:wiki:wnpp_textbook2.png?nolink&250|}}
{{:wiki:wnpp_textbook3.png?nolink&250|}}

The "How to pick up a ball" textbook has a video instruction sold with it:

{{youtube>QzqxkdqQp30?medium}}\\


===== Cheap Newspaper =====

[{{ :wiki:cheapnewspaper_example.png?nolink&200|Cheap Newspaper layout}}]

Cheap Newspaper was produced in 2005-2006. It featured torturous visuals, horrendous font choices, bad English and tabloid journalism.

A lot of its content was centered around an amateur music community called CTG Music, including articles about music production and interviews with notable community members.

[{{:wiki:ctgmusic.png?nolink&200 |Screenshot of the ctgmusic.com website}}]

The dominant part of the content, however, was geared towards silly entertainment. Many stories border on kindergarten stupid. For instance, the science section of Vol. 179 featured a story about an android language proposal:

<file>
The synthizator, which would be
build into the android, produces
only one signal, which is, of
course, 'beep'. According to Dr.
Bungee, the simpliest word of
the android language is, there-
fore, 'beep', which may mean
something like "Hey, I'm here"
or simply "Hello". The second
word, "beep-beep", clearly means
"roadrunner", also a very useful
everyday word.
</file>

[{{ :wiki:madame_le_spam.png?nolink&200|Madame la Spam}}]

Another story was called "Madame la Spam", about a lady whose sole purpose in life was to advertise things. The protagonist eventually throws up, because he cannot take her anymore.

"Jeux d'eau" tells us a story about a person with a rare type of brain damage:

<file>
Jeux d'eau
There was this person who answered anything only
with "Jeux d'eau". He wasn't French, but this phrase
was the only verbal thing his brain could output.
Nobody knew how it all happened. He got born that way.
When you asked him what time it was, he would say "Jeux d'eau!".
If you asked what his name was, he'd say "Jeux d'eau".
In his vocabulary "Jeux d'eau" stands for 'yes',
while "Jeux d'eau" clearly means 'no'.
Other words include:
chair="Jeux d'eau"
orange="Jeux d'eau"
love="Jeux d'eau"
hate="Jeux d'eau"
smell="Jeux d'eau"
cane="Jeux d'eau"
etc.
To somehow fix this, Mr.Jeux d'eau (for he was called
that way even in his passport) incorporated a strong
emotional layering into his speech. "Jeux d'eau" would
sometimes sound violent, sometimes gentle, sometimes simply informative. 
This method allowed Mr.Jeux d'eau to develop a special
technique of making things understandable just in a couple
of words. Everybody found it to be a pleasure to work
with him, so Mr.Jeux d'eau soon became professionally successful.
Ah, you want to know about his personal life?
Well, his "Jeux d'eau" could be so gentle that lady Mayenette from
one of the rich families of Rome agreed to marry him. They have
three children, two boys and a girl, named Jeux d'eau, Jeux d'eau
and Jeux d'eau respectively. Children have similar brain damage,
so they can only say "Jeux d'eau".
We predict that this breed of people will continue to grow.
They will conquer the world, which is not bad at all,
since sometimes we are forgetting that words are only
obstacles to love. No?
..
Jeux d'eau!
</file>

Cheap Newspaper was released in "volumes". Each volume features variable number of pages. Several volumes were "jokes", for instance volume 16:

[{{ :wiki:cheapnewspaper16.png?nolink&400 |Cheap Newspaper Vol.16 with a single word: "donkey"}}]

The tabloid also offered entertainment, typically in a form of obscure game and puzzles. Volume 11 features a card game "Roker". Totally unplayable, this game is unknown to this day. It is actively played nowhere and by no one.

[{{ :wiki:cheapnewspaper_roker.png?nolink&400 |An obscure card game "Roker"}}]

In a blaze of contradiction, Cheap Newspaper was available absolutely at no cost, and "cheap" must refer to the quality of its content.

==== Short stories ====

Cheap Newspaper has published several short stories by Louigi Verona. They include:

  * [[The Mystery of Several Stupid Anonymous Letters]]
  * [[How People Become Gold Miners]]
  * [[The Midnight Arose]]
  * [[Law and Genes]]

===== Connection with "The Cave" =====

WNPP is believed to have been the first news outlet to have reported on [[The Cave]]. The staff of both WNPP and Cheap Newspaper vehemently deny any special connections to or knowledge of the secretive website and insist that they heard about it from several of The Cave members, known as "caverians".

Nevertheless, Cheap Newspaper runs an annual lottery that pays out money to anyone who guesses the online hours of The Cave correctly. So far, the lottery participants weren't fortunate to win. [[Slow Club]] argues that the fact the Worth No Penny Press finances the lottery says nothing about their connection to the website.


===== External links =====

[[https://louigiverona.com/?page=projects&s=writings&t=cheapnewspaper|A selection of Cheap Newspaper volumes]]
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