Timewatch logo

Timewatch is a fictional technology company that designs futuristic devices, some of which work. They are mostly known for their reProphet product, a communication gadget capable of predicting how another person would react to a statement, and a series of pads that can display geeky looking readouts at will.

Most Timewatch products have a prefix “re” in their name.

Timewatch is one of the most profitable companies in the world and is headed by the controversial Bart Hufnagel. The company is known to actively resist charity, has publicly announced its disregard for user privacy, and did some other evil things, like shoot ads down with rifles.

The company is publicly traded, and in 2017 has issued an ICO with their anti-crypto currency ScrewCoin. As of today, the market cap of ScrewCoin is 270 billion dollars. Or just 270 dollars… Experts disagree on this one.

Fourth generation reProphet devices

reProphet, colloquially known as reProfit, is both a messenger and a device that allows one to talk to a virtual representation of a person through a messenger-like app and receive a reaction that will match a real response with high probability.

reProphet is widely used as a device to prepare for negotiations, job interviews, congress appearances and court hearings. An interlocutor's digital profile is created from the actual conversations and then an AI model is trained based on that data.

reProphet has been a breakthrough product for Timewatch, making it a multi-billion company in a matter of several years.

reProphet's success has also raised questions of ethics in the digital realm. However, the company's CEO Bart Hufnagel has publicly dismissed the concerns and said that “reProphet is a fine product”, which prompted the media to call him “the most evil man alive”. Some have misheard the phrase and thought they called him “the most eaten man alive”.

reThing

reThing is one of the early products of a company. It is an expensive looking metallic bar with no apparent purpose. It was sold for $750 dollars as a luxury item. It has since been discontinued due to heightened demand. The decision to discontinue the product due to heightened demand has been labeled by critics as “idiotic”.

reWheel with a ring

reWheel is a Timewatch product, marketed under the slogan “Humanity has reinvented the wheel”. It is a chrome coated metal wheel with a diameter of 50 cm. A separate slightly larger ring is also included in the package. The purpose of reWheel has always been somewhat vague.

The product was first marketed in 1995 without a ring, and was then reissued in 1996 with a ring included. The mystery was solved in a recent Timewatch documentary, where one of the designers of the product revealed that the inclusion of the ring was “because I suddenly felt the urge to include the ring”.

Two AA batteries are also included, which is a marketing ploy to push people towards using reWheel with electric car toys that require batteries. The effectiveness of this marketing campaign has been called into question.

A computer generated poem on a reVerse device

reVerse is an electronic pad that generates poems. It has been widely used to generate poems. Some use it for poem generation only, while others employ it to generate poems. The company claims that its initial purpose was to generate poems.

The demo poem is the now famous computer generated work titled “Lazy Afternoon”:

Frog was sitting on it's bottom,
I was eating different food.
Dog was barking… It seemed rotten
Being here in lazy mood.

Another poem is called “Baron”, and usually appears when the battery level is low:

There was something in the air,
Probably a stench of rat,
And she felt she couldn't dare
Tell the baron he is fat.

Both poems were nominated for prizes.

A seventeenth generation reGeek pad

reGeek is an electronic pad that generates geeky looking readouts and graphs. They are typically meaningless, although at times some data might turn out to be relevant, purely by chance. reGeek is often used by pseudoscientists to prove that nonworking shit works.

reGeek was also famously used in Star Trek, although Star Trek production crew denies this. Timewatch representatives deny that Star Trek production crews deny this, but a later press release from Timewatch denies that as well.