Law and Genes

The adventures of pirate Byi and his parrot Albert

Louigi Verona
Spring of 2006

The Dolphin Almaus may have been a little dizzy, but he was also alert. Always. Anyone would be on their toes if they were to control the entire sea.

Anyhow, that splash in the water was heard, and he 1/3 opened his left eye.

Pirate Byi didn't believe those stupid legends about a big fish controlling the Awk Sea when he set off to cross it in his boat. The boat was of a very small size, so small that the Stolen Treasure and Byi himself took up all of the free space.

"Told ya it exists," Albert said, an old parrot occupying Byi's shoulder. By the time the bird uttered these dreadful words, Byi and the Stolen Treasure were in the middle of the Awk Sea, halfway to the other side. Albert's sight was getting only better with age, and he could already see the Dolphin Almaus rush through the waves, creating local storms with every move.

Byi turned white.

"When it's late, there's at least one good thing - no point in fear," Albert said. "You never know what to expect next, but once the unexpected happened, expect it to behave unexpectedly. These are the true postulates of the Blank Future Theory believers, are they not.

"Try to be calm and collected, for nothing can be done to prevent the unpreventable. We are talking of death here. Sooner or later it takes you, tucks you in with it's skeleton hands, and off you go into the unexpected, which in this particular case is, I must add, expected...

"But why should anyone be afraid of that? What a useless tactic that is, to try to prevent the inevitable. It's easier to invent the inventable then to fight the unfightable, is it not?"

Byi gripped the parrot by its neck and hissed into its ear, "Then you'll be the one talking to the big fish."

"Ah, should I?" Albert said, coughing and putting its neck back to the original position (see Parrot Skeleton, Biology Lessons, page 69, drawing 2).

That very moment the Dolphin Almaus stopped.

Right in front of them.

"Oh, hello," Albert said and performed an elegant bow. "We are but poor peaceful travelers, crossing this beautiful sea in the hopes of getting safely to the other side."

The Dolphin Almaus nodded. "Uh-huh."

"And we were thinking of getting a special document of some kind, a sea passport or something like that, and we were wanting to get it signed by the King, but he resigned. And so we tried to get it from the new King, but we couldn't get it from the new King. His name is Mario and he said he wants mushrooms, and so we are on our way to get them."

"Sure."

"Yeah," Albert continued, with some inspiration. "And we even got the Merchant's Certificate, it's right there, in his pocket. And so we took the treasure and fled."

"What?!" Byi exclaimed. "You damn bird, should've cooked a soup out of you long ago!" The pirate then turned to the Dolphin Almaus and uttered, "I am sorry, dear Mr. Big Fish, don't know your name..."

"Almaus."

"Mr. Almaus, sir... We are really merchants, and this silly bird once belonged to a pirate whom I ki... I mean, I bought this bird. And it has a long memory of bad things."

"I see."

"So may we please go? I promise we mean no harm."

"I believe you. What is that?" and the Dolphin Almaus pointed at the Stolen Treasure.

"This is a chest."

"I am the Stolen Treasure, to be exact," the Stolen Treasure said.

"It is really my daughter, don't listen to her", Byi said.

"Yeah, and she received a lot of hitting over the head with a candlestick, so she doesn't know what she's saying, Byi is an excellent father," added Albert. He then received a clandestine slap from the pirate and made a hiccup.

"To whom does this treasure belong?" the Dolphin Almaus asked.

"To nobody," Byi said. "You see, Mr. Alsamum, sir..."

"Almaus."

"Right. You see, this is a Stolen Treasure by its very nature. No matter who takes it will posses a Stolen Treasure. So even if it was always yours, it is still stolen."

"I don't get it," the Dolphin Almaus said. "How can it be just stolen? To become stolen, it should've been taken from someone."

"No, no." The Stolen Treasure smiled. "I never belonged to anyone. I was born Stolen Treasure."

"But why?"

"I don't know. But I seek the meaning of life every day," the Stolen Treasure said.

"This is a good thing to do, indeed," the Dolphin Almaus said. "But tell me, who were your parents?"

"I was born to Mr. and Mrs. Stolen Riches."

"Oh my God," Albert muttered. "Here we go again..."

"And their ancestors?"

"The family of Dragged Away Jewelry and the House of Taken Away Possessions."

"And among their ancestors were there any families that belonged to someone?"

"No," the Stolen Treasure said, saddness in its voice. "Each one of them was either stolen or taken away in unfair circumstances."

"So why do you uphold this awful tradition?" the Dolphin Almaus asked. "Why do you let this man steal you?"

"He did not steal me. He bought me for a fair price."

"But yet he is still a thief?"

"He is not, but I am a Stolen Treasure."

"Our laws state that if you posses stolen property, you are a thief!"

"Please, the Ruler of Seas and Oceans, let us proceed with our mission!" Albert cried out. "Last time our Treasure explained its life to a dragon for over fifty hours, and we still never reached a conclusion!"

"You mean he eventually let you go?"

"Of course. But we had to bury him first and it took weeks. Phui! Never sleep near a decomposing dragon, that smell gives you nightmares." Albert made a grimace and yawned. "Besides, it's late, and you'll be wanting to be active tomorrow, will you not. Now go get some sleep."

The Dolphin Almaus was puzzled, "So the dragon died? But how?"

"Oh, from being overconcerned. His last speech was about adopting the Stolen Treasure in order to make it simply Treasure. And then he had a stroke."

The Dolphin Almaus was never a stupid fish. He was always very clever, at times even wise. But this situation was not only new, it was dangerous, it was ridiculous. He considered swallowing this funny small boat with the pirate, the talkative parrot and that pathetic Stolen Treasure, but then he figured that by having the Stolen Treasure in his belly, he might be considered a thief. Such an option was totally unacceptable to the Ruler of Seas and Oceans, and he decided to show grace.

"Proceed to your destination," he said solemnly and disappeared in blue waters.

* * *

Some hours later the small boat arrived to the other side, and Albert left Byi's shoulder and began to inspect trees.

If you are a traveler without a passport, keep in mind that good teamwork and quick wit are documents that always work.