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Law and Genes

The adventures of pirate Byi and his parrot Albert


Louigi Verona
Spring of 2006

The Dolphin Almaus may have been a little dizzy, but he was also alert. Always. Anyone would be on his toes if he was to control the entire sea.

Anyhow, that splash in the water was heard and he 1/3 opened his left eye.

Pirate Byi didn't believe those stupid legends about a big fish controlling the Awk Sea when he set off to cross it in his boat. The boat was of a very small size, so small that the Stolen Treasure and Byi himself took up all of the free space.

"Told ya it exists," - said Albert, old parrot occupying Byi's shoulder. By the time the bird uttered these dreadful words, Byi and the Stolen Treasure were in the middle of the Awk Sea, halfway to the other side. Albert's sight was becoming only better with age and he could already see the Dolphin Almaus rush through the waves, creating local storms with every move.

Byi turned white.

"When it's late, there's at least one good thing - no point in fear," continued Albert. "You never know what to expect next, but once the unexpected happened, expect it to behave unexpectedly anyway. These are the true postulates of the Blank Future Theory believers, are they not."

"Try to be calm and cool," went on the parrot, "for nothing can be done to prevent the unpreventable. We are talking of death here. Sooner or later it takes you, tucks you in with it's skeleton hands and off you go into the unexpected, which was, I must add, expected..."

"But why should anyone be afraid of that?" couldn't stop Albert. "What a useless tactic this is, to try to prevent the inevitable. It's easier to invent the inventable then to fight the unfightable, is it not?"

Byi gripped the parrot by it's neck and hissed into it's ear:

"Then you'll be the one talking to the big fish."

"Ah, should I?" exclaimed Albert, coughing and putting it's neck back to the original position (see Parrot Skeleton, Biology Lessons, page 69, drawing 2).

That very moment the Dolphin Almaus stopped.

Right in front of them.

"Oh, hello," said Albert and performed a bow. "We are poor peaceful travellers, crossing this beautiful sea in hopes of getting safely to the other side."

"Uh-huh," nodded the Dolphin Almaus thoughtfully.

"And we were thinking of getting a special document of some sort, a sea passport or something and we were wanting to get it signed by the King, but he resigned and stuff and we couldn't get it from the new King. His name is Mario and he said he wants mushrooms and so we are on our way to get them."

"Sure."

"Yeah, continued Albert with inspiration. And we even got a Merchant's Certificate, here it is, in his pocket. And so we took the treasure and fled."

"What?!" exclaimed Byi. "You damn bird, should've cooked a soup out of you long ago!"

The pirate then turned to the Dolphin Almaus and uttered:

"I am sorry, dear Mr. Big Fish, don't know your name..."

"Almaus."

"Mr. Almaus, sir... We are really merchants and this silly bird once belonged to a pirate whom I ki... I mean, bought this bird. And it has a long memory of bad things."

"I see."

"So may we please go? I promise we mean no harm."

"I believe you. What is that?"

The Dolphin Almaus pointed at the Stolen Treasure.

"This is a chest."

"Um... I am the Stolen Treasure, to be exact," said the Stolen Treasure.

"It is really my daughter, don't listen to her", said Byi.

"Yeah, and she recieved a lot of hitting over the head with a candlestick, so she doesn't know what she's saying, Byi is an excellent father," added Albert. He then recieved a short punch from the pirate and made a hiccup.

"To whom does this treasure belong?" asked the Dolphin Almaus.

"To nobody," said Byi. "You see, Mr. Alsamum, sir..."

"Almaus."

"Right. You see, this is a Stolen Treasure by it's nature. No matter who takes it will posses a Stolen Treasure. So even if it was always yours, it is still stolen."

"I don't get it," said the Dolphin Almaus, "how can it be just stolen? To become stolen, it should've been taken from someone."

"No, no," smiled the Stolen Treasure. "I never belonged to anyone. I was born Stolen Treasure."

"But why?"

"I don't know. But I seek the meaning of life each day I live," said the Stolen Treasure.

"This is a good thing to do, indeed," uttered the Dolphin Almaus. "But tell me, who were your parents?"

"I was born to Mr. and Mrs. Stolen Riches."

"Oh my God," muttered Albert. "Here we go again..."

"And their ancestors?"

"The family of Dragged Away Jewelry and the House of Taken Away Possessions."

"And among their ancestors were there any families that belonged to someone?"

"No," said the Stolen Treasure sadly. "Each one of them was either stolen or taken away in unfair circumstances."

"So why do you continue their trend?" asked the Dolphin Almaus. "Why do you let this man steal you?"

"He did not steal me. He bought me for a fair price."

"But yet he is still a thief?"

"No, he is not, but I am a Stolen Treasure."

"Our laws state that if you posses stolen property, you are a thief!"

"Please, the Ruler of Seas and Oceans, let us proceed with our mission!" pleaded Albert. "Last time our Treasure explained it's life to a dragon for over fifty hours and we still never came to any point!"

"You mean he eventually let you go?"

"Of course. But we had to bury him first and it took weeks. Phui! Never sleep near a decomposing dragon that smell leaves you with bad dreams." Albert made a grimace and yawned. "Besides, it's night and you'll be wanting to be active tomorrow, will you not. Now go get some sleep."

The Dolphin Almaus was puzzled:

"So the dragon died? But how?"

"Oh, from being overconcerned. His last speech was on adopting the Stolen Treasure in order to make it simply Treasure."

The Dolphin Almaus was never a stupid fish. He was always very clever, at times even wise. But this situation was not only new, it was dangerous, it was ridiculous. He considered swallowing this funny small boat with the pirate, the talkative parrot and that pathetic Stolen Treasure, but then he figured that by having the Stolen Treasure in his belly, he might be considered a thief. Such an option was totally unacceptable for the Ruler of Seas and Oceans and he decided to show graciousness.

"Proceed to your destination," he said solemnly and disappeared in blue waters.

Some hours later the small boat arrived to the other side and Albert left Byi's shoulder and started inspecting trees.

If you are a traveller without a passport, keep in mind that good teamwork and quick wit are documents that always work.